OLT_Prologue

My one-sided love was ruined.

Completely.

What is one-sided love? It's a lonely affair where only one person loves the other in a relationship between two people.

All my one-sided love interests were my brother’s friends.

My brother was born with exceptional looks and brains.

Since childhood, people would tell him to try acting or becoming an idol. Whenever he went out and came back, he’d bring home a stack of business cards. Even our parents subtly asked if he’d ever considered becoming an actor. Without even trying, he excelled in studies, sports, art, and music. If he learned one thing, he’d grasp ten others.

...so the point of this story isn’t to brag about my brother.

It’s true that birds of a feather flock together, my brother often brought home friends who were just as good-looking as he was. I still haven’t forgotten the shock I felt when my brother, who had just started elementary school, brought two friends over.  

'You’re Ha Dohoon’s little brother?'

'You’re cute.'

'You look nothing like him.'

I stood there, dumbfounded, mouth slightly open as I stared back at them.  

Wait, are they forming an idol group or something? 

Stunned, I stayed frozen in place for a while, only snapping out of it after they left.  

That’s when I realized, I was a total fool for pretty faces.

But my crushes on them weren’t just about looks. Sure, their faces drew me in first, but my admiration soon turned into real affection.  

When I was drifting on the outskirts among kids my age, it was my real brother, Ha Dohoon, who pulled me into their world. When I fell down, it was his friend Kwon Jongseok who helped me up and wiped my tears. And when I was almost bullied, it was Choi Mujin who saved me.

Kwon Jongseok, who would smile warmly and extend his hand to me, and Choi Mujin, rough in both actions and speech but quietly attentive in his own way. And of course, my brother Ha Dohoon, whom I admired.  

So, like a duckling following its mother, I trailed after them everywhere.  

'Dohoon, your brother’s here again?'

'Haa… annoying.'  

'Just leave him be. It’s kinda funny.'  

They were constantly irritated by me, tagging them along every day, and begging to play with them.

Well, I guess playing with a kid two years younger wasn’t exactly thrilling.  

So, after a while of dodging and hiding, only to see me giggling and chasing after them anyway, they finally changed tactics. They decided to act their age… and started playing pranks on me instead.

Their pranks were childish.  

They’d make me it in hide-and-seek, then just go home without me.  

They’d shoot my pants with water guns, then run around the neighborhood spreading rumors that I’d wet myself.  

They’d bury my things in the sand and pretend I’d lost them, demanding I search for them, the worst was when it was my favorite marble.  

Anyway, they found me extremely annoying. Occasionally, they’d take pity and play with me, but it never took long before they were teasing me again.  

No matter how mean their pranks were, I still adored them.  

Because I loved it when they smiled at me, or when they ruffled my hair.  

So even after I started attending the same high school as them, I kept following them around. If I bumped into them in the hallway by chance, I’d be over the moon. I’d get all flustered, scrambling to say something, anything to them.

And then, after a few more encounters.

Realizing and admitting my feelings didn’t take long.  

My first confession.  

After starting high school, I finally mustered the courage to spit out the emotions I’d been suppressing.  

'I think Giyeon-ie have misunderstood something. I’ve never thought of you that way. And I never will.'

I was rejected without mercy.  

It was my fault for foolishly misinterpreting his casual skinship as affection. To him, I was just a little brother, nothing more.  

After that, when Kwon Jongseok suggested we keep things as they were, just brother and little brother, I agreed and buried my feelings.

And then, the second confession.  

After the first rejection, I swore I’d never confess again, but suppressing my feelings was harder than I thought. Things had become awkward between Kwon Jongseok and me, so I started leaning more on Choi Mujin instead.  

He’d scowl and tell me to stop clinging to him, but he still let me sit beside him. He even hid me from Jongseok a few times. Rough around the edges, but the rare glimpses of kindness he showed were surprisingly comforting. Even after graduating, he’d still drop by to see me sometimes.  

It took me a year to get over Kwon Jongseok.  

Then, in my third year, like an idiot, I fell in love again. With just a few months left before graduation, when I mentioned I might study abroad like my brother, panic set in, and I grabbed Mujin and blurted out my feelings.  

'F*ck... What… don’t make me sick. Get lost.'

Of course, I was rejected. Again.

And before I could even drown in sorrow, another shock hit me, I was kicked out of the house right after graduation.  

Like some trashy drama plot, they told me I wasn’t their biological son.  

How does that even make sense?  

Without fully understanding what was happening, I was thrown out the moment I graduated.  

College?  

Obviously, that wasn’t happening.  

Abandoned by my family.  

Kicked out of my home.  

Failed in love, repeatedly.  

With my mind completely blank, I spent a month in a goshiwon* like a lifeless doll before enlisting in the military. No money, nowhere left to stay, if I didn’t move my body, I felt like I’d die.

*a type of small, inexpensive living space in Korea, primarily used by low-income workers.

After being discharged, I pulled myself together and started doing manual labor to make money.  

I worked in factories, at construction sites, and in logistics centers.  

The only thing that occasionally crossed my mind was the time I’d wasted on those one-sided loves.  

I should’ve studied instead of pining after them.  

I should’ve focused on making money.  

I wish I’d thought even a little about building a future for myself. 

Only then did the regret hit me.  

The time I’d thrown away on hopeless one-sided loves felt unbearably wasteful.  

On my twenty-ninth birthday.

I stuck a wooden chopstick into an expired bread roll I got from the convenience store, lit it like a candle, and made a wish. If I’m given another chance, I swear I won’t live like this again.

"Fuu—"

I blew out the makeshift candle and took a bite of the stale bread.  

And then, I went back to the past.  

Did I regressed while eating bread? No. I got hit by a car and died.  

Back to the winter of my third year in middle school, right before my first confession.

–

TL: Muji

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